just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
