I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
