letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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