No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
