did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
