is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
