So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
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If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
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