Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize