i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I stole a fireplace last night.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
