he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
