There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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