I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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