I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
