Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
