ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
