fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
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I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
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My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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