??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
