Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
