I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
