I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
