im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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