bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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