You work out of a Hotel?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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