Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I smell like Dick and happiness
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
