you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
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Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
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Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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