i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
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After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
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He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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