Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
