I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize