I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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