And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
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Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
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He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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