I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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