paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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