There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nutella sex= disaster
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
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