Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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