my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
