no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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