Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
