I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
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Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
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How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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