You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
