i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
