I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
