My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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