I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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