He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
