Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
