Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
