dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
