I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
