a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
jump out the window naked night went bad
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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