Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
