I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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