Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
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Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
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The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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