You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
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After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
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I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize