i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i've created a new STD.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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