I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
