Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
