I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
