party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
