there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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