Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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