that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
