no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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