dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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