You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
