I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
